Sweetly Broken

So I have this habit of when I love and care about something a lot, A LOT, I don’t talk about it. I keep it in my heart and close off showing that emotion to the outside world. Those who know me very well get quite annoyed with this habit of mine because apparently as a human I have to open my heart sometimes.  I disagree, but clearly I am in the wrong on that.

Last Spring Break, I went to Belize on a mission trip with my school.  I fell in love. I actually left my heart there; so those of you going down there this Spring Break please grab it for me…actually, you can leave it there.  It’s in a pretty great place: the tabernacle in the chapel at Mount Carmel High School.

"To the cross I look, to the cross I cling

Of its suffering I do drink

Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed

Showed that God is love

And God is just

At the cross You beckon me

You draw me gently to my knees, and I am

Lost for words, so lost in love,

I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life

Have I been given

Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death

You’ve called me into life

And I was under Your wrath

Now through the cross I’m reconciled"-Jeremy Riddle

Almost a year later and that song (Sweetly Broken) is still the definition of my life (I have to give full credit to Becca though for introducing the song to me), and it all started because of Belize. I was sweetly broken. 

I was sweetly broken when I had to give parts as well as my full testimony not only to my mission team, but to every single high schooler who really only knew my first name.

I was sweetly broken when I saw how much the light cast out the darkness in my life.

I was sweetly broken every time a female student would pour her heart out to me about how we shared the same struggles.

I was sweetly broken when I was challenged by a male student who believed MTV’s Spring Break was how we all acted. (We went at it for a while about that…)

I was sweetly broken when I realized: I am enough...as I am.

Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

What’s frightening is how much we shape the rest of the world, and though we may not think our actions have any consequences on anyone else…they do.  In a room full of Second Form (sophomore) boys, I asked them all if they had younger siblings. Many raised their hands. Secondly, I asked them how many of their little siblings looked up to them. Fewer raised their hands. Guess what, I replied, even if you don’t think they look up to you, they do, and they look at your actions and they determine how to act accordingly, good or bad.  

We are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Our actions do have consequences and someone is always looking to us for how they should act. How’s that for a reality check.  We shape the rest of the world for better or worse.

Realizing that, I was sweetly broken.  It’s such a paradoxical line, but it’s so true on how we ought to be: sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.  “We do not exist for ourselves”-Thomas Merton. When you realize that, you will be sweetly broken.

This Spring Break, I’m going down to Florida. I’m going right to the root of it, where MTV films Spring Break to counter their attack on my peers and the rest of the world. My personal goal is to make it on their show somehow, but since I dress modestly and I like to behave like a classy lady, I doubt I’ll make it into a scene.  I’m going down to Florida with Belize in my heart and my heart in that tabernacle in that chapel in Mount Carmel High School.  I’m going down lost for words, so lost in love, sweetly broken and wholly surrendered. 

Sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

Another shout out to Becca for making this video:



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LRR