Conversion

Like any student of FrannyLand may or may not admit, I think breaks are hard. Period. You leave the oh so glorious Steubenville, Ohio. You leave our holy hill and are forced to face the realities of the world and the realities of home. Ready or not, here it comes. As I've gotten older and grown in faith, however, each break becomes a little easier or at least I've gotten better at them as I have grown stronger in my faith and deepened my relationship with Christ, but no matter how strong your faith is....break, especially Christmas break, is long and hard.

This break, though, outweighs all the rest. It's about as hard as Alabama felt losing to Auburn in the final seconds of THAT game. Now, Auburn is going to the national championship and Alabama just got upset by OU. I've been watching a lot of football this break if you couldn't tell haha. Anyway, this break was and is a conversion story but real life. And like any conversion story, the night is darkest just before the dawn...but dawn always comes.

That first Friday of break, I was sitting at a friend's house on my laptop wasting time on Facebook when I saw it: "Active Shooter Situation at Arapahoe." I fell back in my seat and blankly said a word that I will not repeat because I'm a lady. Then the texts started coming in, "Hey, do you know anyone who lives near Centennial/Littleton? There's a shooting at one of the high schools." Yeah...I do. It's my high school. All I could do all the way from Ohio is pray, and that I did. At the same time though, I was reflecting on my high school years, and I knew my teachers. They loved us. They love their students and would do anything and everything for their students, including give their own lives for the sake of a student's life. I had full confidence in my teachers. My mind kept racing, and just like that, the shooting was over...and the darkness set in.

The next day I flew home with a heavier heart than my 43 pound checked bag. On one of the first days home, I went on a run in the shirt I always run in when it's cold (my Arapahoe Track/Field warm-up), but ten minutes in, I had to stop, fight tears, and return home defeated. I just couldn't handle it. 

My absolute favorite word in the English language is Warrior. That's one of the first things you'll learn about me, and it's my favorite compliment...EVER. Warrior implies that with all that you are and all that you have, you will fight for what's right and fight for your fellow warriors...or at least that's my definition of it. What's ironic and pretty awesome is that my high school mascot is the Warrior and our theme/slogan is "Warriors always take care of one another." That word and our phrase is so ingrained in my mind, heart, and soul. And I realized that more than ever.

I am a warrior: I have to fight and I will fight. We are ALL warriors: we have to fight...

I'm not proud of it but in the midst of darkness, I  found myself personally in the darkest of night with my own sins, but "the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it"-John 1:5. And now, I'm here in the middle of conversion wondering and wandering but not in darkness. Dawn is here, just like our savior Jesus Christ came on Christmas morning. Dawn has come. 

Dawn is here in my community. Dawn is here in my heart, and it's crazy and I do not talk about my feelings often, but this break is conversion (radical, continuous change for the good aka God). It's hard, but it's so worth it because the end result, the goal, and the root of conversion is love. That's all that matters, that's the only answer, that's all there is at the end of day: love.

Love is here. Dawn is here. HE is here. 

HE is love. And "we love because he first loved us"-1 John 4:9. That's why we fight. That's why we have to fight. That's why we are all Warriors.

"No matter how deep our darkness, HE is deeper still."-Corrie Ten Boom

Dawn is here.

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LRR